All I Need to Know About Fishing I learned in Kindergarten
Tired of those lengthy, detailed back-to-school shopping lists? Just throw it all in your fishing tackle box.
It occurred to me in a philosophical flash while doing some back-to-school shopping for my son: All I really need to know about fishing I learned in kindergarten.
Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be a good student and fisherman I learned in kindergarten: how to tie a knot and how to count my limit and how to sit quietly and patiently and how to always say “Yes, Sir” to the game warden – er, teacher – I learned right there in Mrs. Platts’ class.
Well, not exactly. Perhaps I’ve spent too much time reading Robert Fulghum lately. But I can say that everything I need most in my tackle box, and never seem to have, is located right there on that Pre-Kindergarten back-to-school supply list from Varnville Elementary School. In addition to the pencils and paper – which a fisherman would find most useful for recording his fishing tales and bald-faced lies, lest he forget them - most of these listed items would help me the next time I’m out on the lakes and rivers, so as the wife and I shopped I grabbed extras for my tackle box. See what you think, fellow fisherman of the world.
The Pre-K List
- Clear bookbag: Designed for the safety of all students so teachers can see what every kid is carrying (no guns, please). And not a bad idea for fishing – a clear, totally transparent tackle box. Then you could finally tell which one of your so-called “fishing buddies” stole all your colorful bass worms.
- Extra change of clothes: Good idea for preschoolers and anglers alike. I mean, how many times have you been out on the lake and thought you could use the outdoor “restroom facilities” without actually getting out of the boat and wound up falling head-first in the water or soiling yourself; or even worse, you spill a whole jar of stink bait in your lap and need a fresh pair of clothes. Those Pre-K teachers sure do think of everything.
- Mat for naptime: Another ingenious idea – a boat cushion that could fold out in the bottom of the john boat to be a nap mat. It would be perfect for those times when nothing is biting but mosquitoes.
- Two glue sticks: In addition to mending broken rods and poles, I’m pretty sure glue sticks will taste better than that catfish stink bait in the cooler or that beef jerky that’s been in your tackle box since 1979. Fishing is hungry work, and you’ve got to have something to munch on when the fish aren’t biting.
- Baby wipes: Baby wipes would come in handy for lots of things while fishing. I won’t go into details here except to say that an outdoorsman or outdoorswoman never seems to have a baby wipe around when they need one.
- Kleenex: There always seems to be one person in every boat who is constantly crying about not catching any fish or getting home to his wife on time or his so-called buddies are stealing his bass worms, or losing his best beetle spin, or breaking his brand new fishing pole into two useless pieces, and a handful of Kleenex would come in handy for drying up a few tears. I like the soft, scented kind.
- Liquid soap: It’s a well-known, scientific fact that many pre-kindergarteners carry germs and so do most of my fellow disgusting fishermen. Especially when you watch them impale that guishy worm on that hook, pull off that slimy, smelly fish, and then reach into that can of Vienna sausages with brown, grubby fingers and eat lunch. Now getting a fisherman to actually use the soap would be the trick.
- Ziplock bags: Sometimes bringing an extra pair of clothes isn’t enough, and “accidents” can happen in the back of the preschool class as well as in the back of a fiberglass fishing boat, and you need somewhere to store your unsanitary, soiled clothes to transport home for your wife’s later enjoyment. Like those times when you ride up on a curious alligator while in a small, one-man kayak, or a snake falls in the bottom of the boat, or you come around the bend and find yourself face to face with the game warden and you just remembered you left your life jacket and your license at home. Just be sure to label the Ziplock bags “Biohazardous” or “Open at your own risk,” or at least warn the Mrs. before you just throw them in the clothes hamper.
- Optional: A disposable camera for preserving those precious memories of preschool and fishing. Now how many times have you hooked a big one, a really big one, fought it all the way to the edge of the boat, only to have it spit the hook out – laugh in your face – and then dive back into the depths, never to be seen again by human eyes? At least with a disposable camera on hand you can grab a snapshot before it escapes, and all your friends go around town calling you a big fat liar who wets and poops his pants and cries a lot.
Well, I don’t know about my son, but I’m all ready for both Pre-Kindergarten and bass fishing. And once again Fulghum’s Credo comes to mind: Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and fish every day some. Say, I wonder if there’s any room in my tackle box for crayons and finger paint.