Momma’s Gone Glamping, Daddy’s Gone Crazy

Thanks to the modern-day comforts of glamping, more and more women are leaving their husbands and children at home and hanging out with their “besties” outdoors. But don’t worry, Dads, I think I can put a stop to this.

It has come to my attention that glamping is becoming increasingly popular with female outdoor enthusiasts as a cool new “Ladies Day Out” kind of thing - a time to enjoy outdoor adventures mixed with a little shopping or a movie here or there. For those of you unfamiliar with glamping, it’s a blend of glamour and camping, with accommodations and facilities much more luxurious than the traditional, manly, “roughing it” form of camping.

As a champion of both women’s rights and the great outdoors, I say “Bravo!” and “You go, girls!”

But as a husband and a father I think I just felt an ice-cold chill run down my spine.

I can just imagine the horrible conversations around the campfire at an all-ladies campout, or “glampout.” Now I’m not insinuating that all women do is talk about men – I’m sure they have more important, intellectual things to discuss – but at some point the topic is going to come up. So, in the waning hours of the night, when the fire light crackles under the stars and the coyote howls set an eerie mood, instead of hearing spooky campfire tales about Bigfoot and Sasquatch one may likely hear about Emily’s husband’s ghastly back hair problem.

“Girls, I’m telling you that man has to shave his back every day! And the worst part is, he uses my razors!”

Instead of repeating the South Carolina legend of The Lizard Man, one may learn that Bridget’s husband is a lousy kisser who resembles the amphibian from the Disney version of “The Princess and the Frog.”

“Honey child, I swear it’s like he’s trying to catch a fly and give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation at the same time!  And I’ve been kissing that frog for twenty years and he still won’t turn into a prince!”

And instead of hearing fishy tales about the Loch Ness Monster and the like, you may be shocked to hear about the Empty Nest Monster, now that the kids have moved out and Becky’s husband Frank is driving her crazy.

“I swear, if that man doesn’t find a new hobby soon you ladies are going to be reading in the news about a hunting accident!”

Let it be said that I am a sensitive modern man (I have even been known to cry on occasion, like when Clemson loses to Carolina) and while I wholly support women in this endeavor I just want to offer a few cautionary words of advice. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but just remember, ladies: