Park a buggy, save a planet

Here's who I would vote for, and perhaps you should, too.

     I can tell you who I would be voting for this election day, and who you should vote for, just by stalking politicians in the parking lot of the nearest Piggly Wiggly.

     Well, it doesn’t have to be a Piggly Wiggly, if you don’t live in the South, but the answer to all problems in politics, government, immigration, religion, sexuality, education, the economy, and human nature can be found at your local shopping venue.

     There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are nice, kind, and responsible and put their grocery buggies back into the little parking-lot corral where they belong, and those who don’t, and I would never vote for the latter.

     You know what I am talking about: those little designated areas scattered throughout almost every grocery store and shopping center parking lot, complete with metal barricades around them and little chocks cemented to the pavement to keep the buggies from rolling away (okay, I know that most of you Yankees, who may think you are more evolved and refined,, call them shopping carts, but this is my column, and in my column we shall refer to them hereafter as buggies, the way the God intended).

     These grocery buggy corrals are there for several purposes: to protect the buggies from damage; to protect automobiles from damage; and to make sure that the store employees don’t have to search the entire “back forty” to “round up” stray buggies when they, rightfully, should be grazing safely in the corral.

     Yet we have all seen those shoppers, those lazy, irresponsible shoppers who probably don’t love their Momma, college football or America, who unload their groceries into their SUVs, shove the buggies recklessly just a few feet away from their vehicles, and then motor off—no doubt to go pollute some stream with plastic “Piggly Wiggly bags” (every plastic shopping bag is a “Piggly Wiggly bag” where I come from, even if it says “Dollar General” or “Walmart” on it, but we’ll have that conversation later, Yankee friends), aluminum cans and plastic bottles before speeding home to watch some reality TV show about a bunch of violent, over-sexed, lunatic hipsters sharing a vacation house, or teenage pregnant dropouts.

     Forget about Jew vs. Arab, communist vs. capitalist, white vs. black, liberal vs. conservative, Democrat vs. Republican, homo vs. hetero; there are basically only two types of people in this world—those who care about others and strive to do the right, responsible thing for their communities, for society, for the planet, and those who care only about themselves, the group they identify with, and their immediate future.

     The sooner the human race can put aside all of its other, petty differences, recognize this fact, and try to educate and enlighten those of us who refuse to do the right thing, the better off our country will be, the better off our entire world will be.

     Imagine a symbolic parking lot and shopping center where everyone is welcome to shop? Imagine a world where every shopper was willing to think about and care about others, regardless of religion, sexuality, birthplace, identity, race, creed, or gender?

     Imagine a world where people tried to make things right and help others, help the next shopper, help the next generation, not just ourselves – regardless of how they look, what they believe, or how they differ from ourselves.

     Imagine a world where industry and big business put things back the way they found them, or perhaps left them even better. Such a world would be a wonderful place to live. Such a world might avoid global warming, climate change and widespread pollution and continue to exist, long after you and I are gone.

     Imagine, just imagine, if these weren’t just the idealistic words of a father with two growing kids, but the mission statement of every Fortune 500 Company, and the actual foreign and domestic policy of every nation on this planet.

     My, what a wonderful world we could become. But alas, first we must solve the grocery buggy problem, and then work our way up from there.

Then, maybe, we can jump on the really tough issues, like paper versus plastic, or Duke’s Mayonnaise versus Blue Plate...