Readers: Help me select the title for my next Southern humor collection

If you dare... but don't tell my wife

(This book cover design concept was popular with my designers, but ultimately rejected by the author’s wife, who wasn’t crazy about the book title, either.)

“Saying Grace Over Edible Underwear.” That was the title of my first humble, self published Southern humor collection, and while I thought it was hilarious - Southern Baptists like the folks who raised me say grace before they eat anything - my wife hated it.

Well, it’s almost that time again. My next, and perhaps final, collection of Southern humor stories and columns is nearing completion after many years and soon to go out to a potential publisher. This will be a collection of my award-winning, nationally distributed newspaper columns, as well as stories published in outdoor magazines, and such an epic work needs a worthy title.

As a fan of great humorists like Patrick F. McManus (Never Sniff a Gift Fish, and They Shoot Canoes, Don’t They?), Erma Bombeck (The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank), and Lewis Grizzard (Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night, Shoot Low, Boys - They’re Ridin’ Shetland Ponies, and Don’t Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes), I know the bar is set pretty high.

And that’s why I need your help to clear it, dear readers and Substack followers. By now, you probably have a taste of my Southern sense of humor and storytelling. Here’s the plan: I am going to post a list of several book title ideas. Please take a moment to email or comment with your favorite or favorites, and together we will choose the title of my next book.

If it doesn’t get vetoed by the wife, that is. But let us begin, shall we?

Pick your favorite(s):

• Is the Holy Grail Dishwasher Safe?

• It’s a Dog-Eat-Chicken World Out There

• Don’t Take the Baby In the Liquor Store

• The Kama Sutra Cookbook

• 40 acres and a Barbecued Mule

• The Mrs. Doesn’t Like Me Speaking of Redbreasts

• Pitching Woo at the Fishing Hole

• The Purple Heart Hickey

• I Peed on a Toady Frog

• Good Bras Make For Good Neighbors

• Or perhaps you have a better suggestion. If so, I’d love to hear it!